If you are fond of absurdity, especially of the kind that is endemic to Bollywood, you must watch Players to have what probably is going to be the laugh of the month for you. This is a comic-thriller. That is to say, an intended thriller turned out to be an accidental comedy. The Players are an assembly of retards who roam around the world as if their fathers have the authority to issue visas to any country. The places they go to are random and have no geographical or historical or logical connection with each other. Most scenes in the movie have got nothing to do with the others and enjoy a kind of freedom that is beyond what a coherent story could ever offer them. For instance, in a scene Aftab Shivdasani is murdered in the snow of St.Petersberg and in the next one Sonam Kapoor shows the middle finger to a drunken desperado in Sydney, and in the next one, Vinod Khanna, a prisoner, shares his apparent wisdom on the art of theft with the police commissioner in Goa. This is when one realises that Abbas-Mustan have finally given up on even attempting to sound intelligent.
The plot has so many twists, none of which are exciting, that I shall be wasting my time if I write the summary of the movie. The point is that Romania is supposed to get back some gold that they had entrusted Russia with during the second world war, and our players, try to steal it. It is Aftab Shivdasani, who is dead for an unintelligible reason, who suggests Abhishek Bacchan to make this plan. It is Vinod Khanna who designs it. And it is our players, who, forget being the best thieves in the world, don't even look like people who have a clue of acting, execute this plan.
Then there is the betrayal that comes from Spider, Neil Nitin Mukesh, which is directly copied from the Edward Norton starrer - Italian Job. Basically, this movie is a combination of three things. The Italian Job, Ocean's 12 and relentless absurdity that people like Abbas-Mustan, who, after watching this movie one would believe, have a collective IQ of 100, have topped it up with.
The robbery takes place in the first half. Second half is when the revenge happens. Bipasha Basu seduces a Russian military general at a place that looks like the Russian counterpart of a dance bar. Neil Nitin Mukesh has hacked into Russian satellites in the past, Sonam Kapoor changes the colour of the signal by wirelessly connecting to it from her laptop while driving a fancy car and trying to look good, and after these and many other things we know what we are up for.
Omi Vaidya is annoying in the movie with his dirge-like voice and non-existent sense of humour. Sonam Kapoor makes many attempts to look good and those attempts are not as big a failure as her attempts at acting. She is dull. Bipasha Basu is hot in the movie and acts; not very well but, at least, acts. Abhishek Bacchan is intolerable for who he is. Neil Nitin Mukesh is the best of the players on screen but standing out in such a crowd is not an achievement at all. Johnny Lever is so annoying and so trite that after looking at him I felt as if the world hasn't changed one bit in the last twenty years.
While watching players, each time when a cacophonous sound sings "Players...Players...aye aye aye...Players" in the background, you know you are up for the next level of retardation in the plot. Players will play a huge role in making the absurdity of the commercial Indian cinema known across both the hemispheres. From Bucharest to Wellington, St. Petersberg to Sydney, and Amsterdam to Auckland must be laughing their balls off at this epitome of retardation made in India.
Yes, as I said, if sensible is not your way of living life or absurdity is one of your fetishes, you must watch this bunch of clueless retards who think of themselves as some of the best players in the world. And they must be, I am sure, only if the game is idiocy.
