Dhuan – A Smoky Tale (Fiction)

It's about a friend of mine who smoked 20 cigarettes a day. He would have his first cigarette early in the morning on the way to college. Tea Break, Lunch Break all took him to a paan shop. Every ring that ever rang in the college would foment an urge in his mind to have a smoke. He would literally crave for cigarettes. He was the most respected customer of all the paan shops around our college. His friends often joked that he should rather do an internship as a chimney in some factory than a technical job. Some had nicknamed him 'Dhuan' whereas some would call him 'Phukdi'. Often did his friends try to restrict him from smoking, of ten did they try to advise him not to smoke but his fanatical and careless approach ended up preventing his friends from advising him.

One fine day, 'Dhuan' decided to quit smoking. Nobody really knew the reason behind this drastic decision. Some guessed that it was his girl friend who forced him to take the decision, while the others believed that his family members came to know of his habit. 'Dhuan' would never tell the reason to anyone hence people had no option but to keep on guessing. In any case, his decision was made fun of publicly. Many laughed it off as the most intense lie ever. Many would taunt him continuously for not smoking for two days. They all were shocked & surprised and these were their natural reactions.

But my friend was neither deterred nor daunted. Often did he find the temptation irresistible.The temptation would reach its peak when he would see someone smoking. He behaved like a dog having rabies who could see water in front of its eyes but couldn't drink it. He took himself through all the temptations, all the taunts and remained impervious to them. He searched for ideas that would keep him abstemious while his friends smoked. He resorted to ice-creams as a substitute for cigarettes. Whenever his friends asked for cigarettes in shops, he would rush towards the nearest ice cream parlour and would buy a 'Feast' or 'Cornetto'. The question that he would ask commonly, 'Benson & Hedges OR Malboro' was now changed to questions like 'Feast OR Cornetto' and 'Naturals OR Baskin & Robins'. Soon, did this lead to a lot of expenditure since he would have to buy at least 5-6 ice-creams a day. Hence, he chose cheaper alternatives such as chocolates, cold drinks and junk food as he thought these things might as well help his lanky body to weigh more. But, even here there was a trap as his chocolates and cold drinks ended up being shared by 10 others while junk food was a very time consuming option.
Somehow 'Dhuan' managed to tackle all these hurdles. He still did not smoke. It was a Sunday. It was exactly a week since 'Dhuan' was no more 'Dhuan'. I was proud of his self control and went to his hostel room to congratulate him. He had finally won the bet that I had with him, unknown to everyone.

"Here are your 80 bucks buddy. I'll pay you the other 20 later", said I.

"No issues buddy! But why don't you buy me a packet of Malboro lites instead?” replied the person who had just personified his long lasting nickname once again.

The October Sky

so many questions,
so many dreams,
hopes, memories, smiles,
all are uncovered in every travelled mile
the anachronistic dead angels are on their way back to revitalize
coming back to my life to re - live all thats immortalized

This is my 19th winter.
not all those who were ever there are here again,
not all that was all along is by my side,
but the sky is still here,
flamboyant as ever!
together we memorize our old friends,
together we will celebrate this winter with the same fervor.
we love the winter ardently,
though destiny seems to hate us ruthlessly.
1/3 of the year is what I love the most
it's been the same all the way long,
when past comes to party & I'm on song!


October is back with all that it brings,
mind gets staggered, thoughts fly,
beginning of winter being seen in the October Sky !!

The Goa Diary...

Beauty, Booze and Babes are the three things that describe Goa to a large extent of perfection as one can find these things in abundance out there.

Day 1

My Goa trip started off with a bus journey with the usually sung songs in the background before I ate some considerably tasty sea food in a decent restaurant. Though I was starving for food with an empty stomach, girls wearing shorts and microminis gave me a pleasant shock which kept me away from thinking about my hunger for a while. The resort was good, our rooms were decent. They, at times, looked too congested but the fun lied exactly in the improperness of the rooms and randomness of behaviour.
The first afternoon was largely spent in having lunch, settling down in the resort and drinking Smirnoff. I paid a visit to Calangute beach with some some friends as beaches have fascinated me with a supreme consistency throughout my life. Calangute beach was serene and many of us drank on the beach though I preferred to stay sober and enjoy the beauty. My roomies were totally drunk back in the resort but I was still not in a mood to get drunk and I spent the night laughing quietly at their antics.

Day 2

Second day started off with what was supposed to be the most petty thing to be done in Goa - the Industrial Visit. I enjoyed the bus journey by singing songs and having frequent glances at the beauty outside. We spent around 40 mins in the industry, most of which were spent on a boring slide show which no one ended up seeing as most of them were asleep and the others like me were busy parodying it. We walked around in the evening on the roads of Goa as girls wearing minimum possible clothes, flaunting their in- shape bodies were a great feast for my eyes. The beach looked beautiful as ever. Goan beaches seemed to have an elegant appeal and a look of their own.
The night following this day, the second night, was the most amazing night in Goa as we - Me, Nereus, Ameya, Siddhi, Vatsal, Josephine and Romel, almost finished 2 Old Monk bottles in around 4 hours. We all drank the rum neat except for the one peg that I had mixed with Thums up and a couple of pegs that Ameya preferred to drink adulterated. I was totally zonked as my behaviour defined absurdity. Our room was publicly regarded as the most disastrous room as we shouted out loudly from our balconies late in the night, we knocked others' doors and ran off, we all shouted (and not sang) songs like 'Who the fuck is Alice' at the top of our voices. That session was one of the best zonked sessions I've ever had. My first packet of David Off lites got over in around 22 hours and I seemed like the most consistent chimney in Goa. I also performed the most stylish dance step on 'I'm a disco dancer' according to the sober few as I hardly remember what exactly did I do.

Day 3

The 3rd morning was spent in playing Cricket on the most beautiful beach I've seen in Goa - Vagator beach. It was fun to play Cricket after a long. I also tried my hand at playing football and undisputedly turned out to be the worst footballer around, but it was fun. As we were about to leave from the beach one of us thought of climbing up the fort that was just behind the beach. Though reluctantly, 4 others that included me supported the idea and went ahead with it. The view from the top of the fort was one of the most beautiful views I've ever seen but due to the heavy exertion, Me, Siddhant and Alfred preferred not to climb up as Mayank and Vineet Aguiar went right on top of the fort. As expected, our bus had left us and we had absolutely no mode of transport left. Finally, after walking optimistically for around half an hour, we found a transport that took us to the place where the entire gang was.
3rd evening was full of smokes and it was largely spent on walking on the beach. I experienced Jet Skiing which was good but too short for 150 bucks. Then the walk on Baga beach took the exertion to its peak but the foreigner chicks on that beach were simply hot and even the Indian girls were sexy. Baga beach had the look that we generally get to see in movies when we see Goa. Baga was the most happening beach in Goa.
In the night, we had a bonfire dinner planned on a shack on Calangute beach. The food quality was bad and the food was clearly overpriced but the beauty on the beach was totally mesmerizing with the inexplicably serene sky above and songs by Iron Maiden, Nirvana, Guns n Roses, Metallica, etc. being played in the back ground.
I drank comparatively lesser in the 3rd night than what I had in the second one, since we were supposed to get up very early in the morning. I tried Coffee liquor, Chocolate liquor and Feni for the first time out of which Coffee liquor stood out to be the best. I ended up not sleeping at all in the night as I had long chats with my roomies, sang songs in some other room where people were constantly singing the line, "Aankon mein teri...ajab si, ajab si adayein hai" with the same step. I spent all the time smoking continuously. Till 4 - 4. 30 in the morning, I had smoked around 40 cigarettes in 3 days out of which around 35 were smoked in the last two days and more than 20 in the last day.

Day 4

After sleeping for around 10 - 15 minutes in the chair, I took a nap, got ready for the journey. The entire 4th day was spent in the train, traveling back to Mumbai. The best time in the journey back was when we sang extremely pathetic hindi songs loudly. I named that singing session, 'All Fuckall'. I added many verses to the song 'XL ki kudiyan', that were liked publicly.

I reached back home at around 11 O'clock with a totally sleepy, exerted self, gradually exuding the Goan tales from my tired yet happy eyes.

7 marks away...

Never, in my most pessimistic dreams, did I ever think that 7 marks could play the most dramatic role in changing my life. A life that already had few corners where happiness could be successfully preserved is now lacking smiles at any randomly selected point. The thought of what lies on the other side of those 7 marks, resides & prevails in my mind for virtually infinite amount of time. Unfortunately, I can't cherish it as I would have loved to, had it been real.
The state of constantly rusting in peace can have some remarkably disastrous effects on your brains, mind and your entire composure as a person. I'm out of my senses for a long time. My quality as a person (not claiming that it was considerable ever) has debased, humor has vitiated, presence is unwanted and in turn life is impaired. My career is at stake and so are many internal & external things.
The haunting thoughts of failure and spooky dreams of a disastrous future combine together to define 'nights' while the days are spent on things that I like to believe are productive, but in reality aren't. The dreams of an almost certain success and the belief that I'm the best of the best are tattered and torn. My self - esteem is at it's lowest and my self - confidence is far from existing.
However boring this article was, it was true. I guess I`m done. For all the readers of my blog (I'm sure there are few), here I stop & go on a sabbatical to learn more. 7 marks are the evil teacher, I must say!

A Fight !!

This is not a fairy tale neither am I going to tell you about the coolest pubs around. On the other hand, this is the story of the harsh reality, tough challenges and more importantly the fighting spirit, never – say – die attitude & perennial optimism.

Balkrishna Joshi, a 58 year old rikshaw driver, whose rikshaw I was travelling in at 10 o`clock in the night, had something about him that was special. There was something that got me talking to him and the conversation led to a story that was impressive in the true sense of the word.

Mr. Joshi, found himself in Prarthana Samaj, a famous orphanage in Vile Parle, at the age of 3. He cant remember the face of either of his parents. He was gifted with a disaster right at the beginning of his life. He left his now – forbidden home at the age of 18, as he realized that it was time for him to prove himself in a world full of challenges.

He started working in a soap factory as a worker. Then came the time when he had to get married. He strongly believed that his family should not suffer financially because of his small income and hence took up a job that would pay him more “Apne parivaar walon se main kabhi kaam nahi karaunga. Khud mehnat karke unhe sambhalna meri jimmedari hai”, says the man. He started working as a delivery boy in a shop. He would carry heavy luggage on his strong shoulders and transport it to different places. The amount of hard work that he used to put in was immense.

At the age of 39, the wise person, realized that with increasing age, its getting difficult for him to continue with his old job and got a rikshaw permit for himself. He has been driving a rikshaw for 19 years now. What I was shocked to hear was that the veteran rikshaw wala, is well – aware of the importance of education and his elder son is studying civil engineering whereas the younger one is in 12^th standard. “Main zindagi mein kuch nahi kar saka, par mere bete padh likh kar bade banenge, yahi ek ummid hai. Inhi ke liye itni mehnat kar raha hoon”, said Mr. joshi, as I was completely touched and impressed at the same time. When questioned about his income he says that he gets 4, 500 a month by driving a rikshaw. But is that enough to support his family? No, its not. And hence he works in a shop in the morning before hitting the roads with his rikshaw. That takes his monthly income to an approximate figure of 7,000 a month. “Zindagi mein kitni bhi mushkile aye, haar nahi manana”, advises the man.

I was completely stunned to hear this overwhelming story of the fight that Mr. Joshi has put forward and the way he has faced the hurdles in life. I was supposed to get some change back when I paid him the money, I asked him to keep the change but he returned it to me and said, “Sahab main haram ka paisa nahi leta. Mehnat pe vishwaas rakhta hoon”. That flamboyance in his speech and truth in his behavior bowled me over once again.

It was time for me to leave him alone & stop the bombardment of my questions. For the first time, I actually wanted to talk more to a rikshaw driver. We exchanged goodbyes and parted ways. One thing that I must mention here is that I learned a lot more about life from him than what I could ever learn inside the locked class rooms of the schools or colleges that I have attended.

A Tribute to Pink Floyd

Waiting for you with PARANOID EYES,
LOST FOR WORDS in the course of life,
Like a BRAIN DAMAGEd lunatic, with something more than just that YOUNG LUST in my mind,
still filled with HIGH HOPES for the HAPPIEST DAYS OF MY LIFE,
everyday I wished you were there, every day I WISHed YOU WERE HERE

With ANY COLOUR YOU LIKE I wanted you to colour me,
with SORROW in my mind I RAN LIKE HELL,
with all the TIME & MONEY that I had,
MAROONED was I, POLES APART were we,
I even thought of saying GOODBYE to the CRUEL WORLD,
THE THIN ICE was melting everyday,
before finally I STOPPed the useless chase
where I could find No love, no trust & no SIGNS OF LIFE.

Trying to re - build THE WALL,
was the given task,
starting to BREATHE fresh again,
was a difficult ask,
The EMPTY SPACES in the wall occasionally
questioned what would be OUTSIDE THE WALL?
but firm was I, I`ll be once again LEARNING TO FLY

I knew THE SHOW MUST GO ON
it was not the end & was time for
"Killing the past & COMING BACK TO LIFE"
Finally came the GREAT DAY OF FREEDOM,
the day when it was the HERO`s RETURN!

concluding this on a good note,
don't bother about the minute things,
life`s a SAUCERFUL OF SECRETS,
explore it, enjoy it - if you wish nothing can turn it gray,
Booze, rock, Pink Floyd
& ofcourse HAVE A CIGAR everyday!

I Rock 22 - Day 2

The traditionally better day of I Rock – Day 2, began with some real loud music by a band called ‘Dream Out Loud’, that was unknown to many. The music arrangement & the sound quality was better on Day 2, as both the major speakers were loud enough to be heard even at Fun Republic. Dream Out Loud mostly played OCs (Original Compilations) & that’s exactly where they went wrong. Most of their songs were monotonous, but the one that stood out was ‘Two Encounters’.

As Dream Out Loud walked off the stage, now was the time for one of the biggest crowd pullers around, ‘Them Clones’. Them Clones started off with an OC, that got the crowd headbanging. Though, their second song was the one that started the famous moshpit at I Rock. It was none other than the much expected RATM cover, ‘Killing in The Name Of’. No one else covers RATM better than Them Clones in India. They went on to play many OCs that were well appreciated by the crowd.

As Them Clones signed out it was time for all the metal heads & moshpit mongers to come in front and sway all the way. PDV (Pin Drop Violence) were given an exhilarating welcome by the crowd. Pradeep Bhatia, one of the better vocalists for me, had an electric stage presence as usual. PDV started off with the much expected ‘Get’em Off” as they went on to play many of the originals from their new album as well. Some of them were good, some were ‘ok’. The song that had to be performed at I Rock, was none other than ‘In - Dependence’ and PDV performed it with a great flair as always.

PDV signed off with a Pantera cover, welcoming the true ‘Dinosaurs of Rock’ on stage.

Farhad Wadia, the organizer introduced a friend of his as the first vocalist. He sang an OC that was about the city of Mumbai. Dinosaurs further went on to play what is one of the all time best rock songs, ‘Another Brock in The Wall - Part 2’. That remained the most beautifully sung song of the evening. The crowd got to hear some Led Zeppelin as the only female performer of Independence Rock arrived on stage. The range of her voice & her vocals overall were outstanding in every sense of the word, so was her stage presence.

The next vocalist of the band sang two songs, that were largely boring, though he made up for them by selecting something from the Division Bell as his final song. ‘Coming Back to Life’ lingered in the minds of the crowd even after they departed.

Farhad Wadia, the organizer himself , was the 4^th vocalist as he sang the legendry Pink Floyd song ‘Time’ dedicating it to I Rock. With Farhad as the vocalist, Dinosaurs went on to play a hardcore AC/DC number ‘That’s the way I wanna Rock n Roll’, which was very well received by the crowd.

In this entire story of varying the vocalists, Nandu’s lead guitars & Kieth Pinto’s bass were absolutely amazing as they sounded great with some flamboyant drum beats at the background.

The last vocalist of the evening was none other than the man himself, Gary Lawyer. Gary started off, with ‘My Sacrifice’, saying that’s how he feels while performing at I Rock.

He sang some fabulously euphonious music, though the only disappointment was that the show had to stop abruptly since it had already crossed the ’10 o`clock’ limit.

I Rock 22 terminated with some memories that will stay with the rock lovers for a real long time, as all of them hope for more I Rocks, probably even I Rock 50!

I Rock Day 1 - exclusively with MIHIR

Off Link Road, just behind Fun Republic, there`s a ground called ‘Chitrakut Grounds’. I wonder if any one ever goes there. But yesterday, all the Rock Heads of the city seemed to be heading towards only one destination...’Chitrakut Grounds’. The reason was simple. It was the first day of the biggest rock show in India -Independence Rock. I ROCK 22!

With people wearing Black all the way, typical Rock Heads with long hair & Rock chicks with their toned bodies, the I Rock competition began with a Mumbai band, ‘Black’. They started off with a Pearl Jam song, ‘Even Flow’, which was well played. They went on to play a couple of OCs (Original Compilations), which sounded good. By that time, the crowd had started entering in humongous amounts. What I like about the band Black was that they dared to play what arguably is the best Pearl Jam song ever, ‘Black’ and moreover, they played it with some appreciable fluency.

Then came a band called ‘Boomerang’ from a place where I didn’t even know people are aware that there exists something called Rock. They had come all the way from Aizawl. Boomarang, were surprisingly good when they played ‘Bulls on Parade’. They changed the entire scene at the evening. That was when the crowd started headbanging. Their OCs were decent too and they took a leave on the best possible note. ‘Killing in The Name of’ rocked each & everyone around.

The band performing after that, ‘Half Step Down’ looked dull to me in their first song. But as I heard them further, some of their OCs were amazing. ‘Rocking at the Top of My Head’ was undoubtedly the best OC played in the evening, as someone from the crowd shouted, “You are the next ZERO”. Now, that’s some compliment.

‘Afterburn’, the next band from Chennai, played only Metal. Even they tried their hand at playing a Pearl Jam cover but it didn’t sound as good to me as some of the previous ones.

‘Caesar`s Palace’, a band that beat the much talked about ‘Perusia’ in Banglore elims, didn’t look too impressive to me, but even they had their share of support from the crowd as they were playing at I Rock.

The last band to play in the competition was ‘Scribe’ from amchi Mumbai. Mumbai gave them a larger than life welcome as they arrived on stage. They played ‘Hardcore’. They covered some rare bands. Their music was loud.

Soon after ‘Scribe’ finished, the results were declared. ‘Scribe’ were declared as the winners though many from the crowd wanted either ‘Half Step Down’ or ‘Boomarang’ to win. Though some showed disappointment after the results, it was time for the entire crowd to welcome their beloved band. The veteran headlining band they were waiting for since a long time – ‘Parikrama’.

Parikrama arrived on stage with a crowd that was going mad. The respect for them on the Indian rock scene could be clearly sensed. Parikrama mesmerized the crowd with their amazing originals namely, ‘Vaporise’, ‘Open Skies’, ‘Rhythm Blues’ and ofcourse the much awaited song that everyone knows by heart, `But It Rained‘.

They covered Iron Maiden by playing ‘The Trooper’ and as expected by many, they terminated the electric evening by the legendry ACDC song, ‘Highway To Hell’.

‘I Rock 22 – day I’ got over with some tough competition among the bands, music that lingered for long in the minds of the crowd & the excitement of turning up for day 2.

Sacred Rides..

A speeding car, the mechanically cooled interior, pulsating music in the background and me, along with a few friends, hitting the most blistering roads of Mumbai...
Such is the appeal of the above journey that anyone would want to replace the word 'me' with his/her own name in it. The company of your loved ones, a car drive & music are in themselves some things that can mesmerize me with a great consistency, so the collective effect of all these things is obviously special.
We all generally start from Goregaon. After winning the battle for the front seat (I never lose, you see!) and safely neglecting how many people are sitting behind and how uncomfortably are they sitting, I throw myself completely into that small, closed world of mystic, as we hit it off famously with all our enthusiasm!
Everyone sucks at humour in his/her unique way. While some people feel that factual description of some age-old events is a funny thing or keep on repeating the same question with the most weird hi-fives always accompanying it, leads to humour, the others feel that wincing back at the touch of any human or shouting 'Shut up' in a voice as cacophonous as Himesh Reshmiya is the funniest thing on the earth. Though, these misconceptions of some your friends can lead to a testing time as per acting as an audience to them is concerned, they all make the drive & in turn, the world a happy place for you.
Buying the most pleasureful smoke on earth after oxygen, is a thing that has to be a part of our long drives. Now, the sentences like, 'Smokers die early', 'Smoking is a dying art', 'Cigarette smoking is injurious to health', 'Smoking is slow death, I`m in no hurry' , are just a part of those things we regularly laugh at. That smoke, sure gives us a momentary pleasure that can be bought quite cheaply & every drag I take, personifies the 'Fuck Cares' attitude.
The final destination, generally being a beach, we relax our senses and cherish our friendship for a while. All the jokes cracked, all the beauty seen and all the thoughts that surfaced automatically get loaded into my permanent memory, as we start the journey back home.
The journey back home is as rocking as the journey from home, the only thing thats sad is the thought that a sweet little tale that completely took us out of all the sorrows in life and gave us a chance to have a fantastic time together, is going to end soon. Though the traffic on the S.V.Road acts completely in our favour and plays the lead road in preventing us from reaching home soon, the journey obviously has an ending at some point in time as all the other things, leaving behind another addition to the folder in my Hard Disk, named 'Sacred Rides' !

An Afternoon of Nostalgia

Today, on an unusually sunny August afternoon, I was roaming around in my class in the lunch break. The semester is just a month old and naturally studying is an alien activity for people like me. While some were busy preparing for the classtest to come, few others including me were talking amongst each other on the stupidest & the most insensible topics. I, for a while, thought of giving others a chance to talk & detached myself from the crowd to reach the huge window of my class. As mentioned earlier, the afternoon was unsually sunny to be a typical Mumbai afternoon of mid - August. The sunlight was bright and appealing whereas what I was thinking was vague, unclear.

If nostalgia is a disease, I`m on the last stage. Often do the afternoons take me back in time to a bright lovely era which is gone but not forgotten for sure. The brightness of today`s afternoon shifted me straight from Borivali, 2007 to the window of the drawing room of my wadi house in the mid 90`s. Well, A house which I still consider to be my only house. 15 years of love, ecstasy, pleasure, sorrow, tears, smiles, anger, etc... 15 years of LIFE! What have I not done in there? That was undoubtedly the best place on earth for me for a large period of my life. I could picture myself standing in that window shouting out various names of my friends loudly, as a kid. I could see myself playing with my grandfather in the compound right outside that window. I could see my mom, I could see my dad. I could see everything that could together define the term LIFE for me. The window seemed magical, it was a window of Time. On one side of it, there was me with all the things I love but unfortunately that side was out of time. On the other side there was me again, with an empty smile on my face accompanying me as ever, but unfortunately (once again) that side was very much real!

An old poem to start with

My Darkest Hour

U werent there...
Below the moon, besides a tree, I stood alone
faint memories grew darker
I looked for you, but you were gone
nothing to express, nothing to say
You had gon far away

Memories captured my mind
the breeze was flowing fast
my mind was fumbling here n there
& the darkness was quite vast

I could smell you in that breeze,
feel you in that cold
see you in that sky
only to realise that it was mind which was seeing you
& not my eye

I was missing you continually
but couldnt find you
I challenged the sun to come up
but even that was reluctant to shine
& for a moment i mistook the serenity of the night sky
to that of mine

Outside was dark, darker was inside
I asked myself, "Is it reality or just an illusion?"
Well, my mind was not ready to answer my question
whatever it was, it was a painful ride
& I pitied destiny`s ruthless pride

It was all stuck, stationary
be it real or imaginary
I was helpless, even with all my power
as if I was going through my darkest hour!

Blogging Reloaded

Here, I come back to blogging.