An aeroplane fades in the sky against me, disappearing in the clouds, taking someone away to an unknown land. I sit like a ghost, haunting the night and haunted by self, thinking of a clock that never stops ticking. I alone see it, and imagine.
I dissolve my tears in the vapours of coffee that separate a reality from another. I sense the change in the sky at two different 2 AMs. The dot of the plane makes it more evident. It goes high and higher – where the air gets thinner and no voices are echoed – into the eternal uniformity of a placid nothingness.
The clock still ticks and its hands travel circles in their enduring but impotent attempts to measure the immensity of time. I, alone, fancy the airport and the aeroplane, half the night, and the whole of me. I look up to hear the coda of a softer sound superimposed on the louder one for the last time in my life. The two rows of eyelashes on each of my eyes are farthest as possible from one another.
The aeroplane is now transparent, and I am opaque.
18 comments:
It is unsettling. Was that the effect you were going for?
I like "The clock still ticks and its hands travel circles in their enduring but impotent attempts to measure the immensity of time."
Nice line.
You must write more often.
i was trying to come to a conclusion after reading this... you know one looks for a conclusion when he gets tired of thinking... and this blog of urs really did it u see... ;)
No I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it... :)
though seriously, you are good.. keep it up..
I could get some meanings out of individual lines but when I put the whole thing together, I am confused myself. ( you can take it as I didn't understand ) Anyways, few people can write things like this but you got to make sure that you are making sense at the end of the day and not just playing words.
Good read
It is a very intersting read..But I do agree with what Shrenik had to say.The individual lines command more attention than the passage as a whole..Or more simply I didnt quite understand what you were trying to say
well ... i understood a few lines ... liked the one on time ... but cudnt get te entire thing when put together ... much lik what shrenik said....
otherwise its a good read
What I like about this piece vis-a-vis your previous writing is that you haven't used any unnecessary adjectives. Instead, you have used strong verbs that evoke delightful images. That's one thing I constantly look for. Take this line, for instance: "I dissolve my tears in the vapours of coffee". Even otherwise, your images are evocative: "It goes high and higher – where the air gets thinner and no voices are echoed" or "I look up to hear the coda of a softer sound".
When you are conveying a state of mind, you can't always "make sense". It is sometimes for the reader to try and connect with the writer. So I'll disagree with Shrenik on that.
Though I started by appreciating the conscious (or not) decision not to use needless adjectives, I think "opaque" is just the right one to nail your state of mind with. Good work.
@ Prachi: 'Unsettling' may be one of the effects I was going for; not the only one.
@ Shridhar: That's not completely in my hands but I hope for the same too. Thanks.
@ Shrenik, Hari, Priyanka, and anonymous: Thank you for your varied comments. Honest feedback is a must for young writers like me.
@ Siddhesh: This one means a lot to me, coming from a virtuoso writer like you. I knew you would be one of the very few who would understand this one but always wondered if you would ever read it with the required seriousness.
Thanks a ton :)
Honestly Mihir this one has really drawn me in immediately. Such an imaginative metaphor - and I always knew about your fascination with clocks but this metaphor,is so agile really. And I agree with Siddhesh, your verbs are driving the piece, not adjectives which really kind of nails me for me.. has the lingering effect. Really really nice :)
I've read this about 10 times Mihir and only when i read Janvi's 'metaphor' comment did i make any sense out of it. Then again, i still didn't understand all of it and i'm sure that i'm lacking in imagination or {noun form of lateral} to feel it. But this i promise, i'll travel many more circles in my enduring but impotent attempts to measure the immensity of this article...
The clock still ticks and its hands travel circles in their enduring but impotent attempts to measure the immensity of time--nice line...
but it was senselesss.....
Whatever you write needs to have a meaning,or a gist has to come out of it...
make sure your words make sense...
i am really not amused to be confused...
HEy! nice! very very nice man! dont listen to wt any one says! just keep writing man! just do follow the route u think u ought to follow!!! and put more up here! :)
The last line speaks volumes. Very fantastic, yet believable..
My personal favourite "The clock still ticks and its hands travel circles in their enduring but impotent attempts to measure the immensity of time."
I am not sure what blogger intends. For me it more a poetery than a abstract writing. Please excuse, May be I am not well verse with this kind. Anyways keep going
A Pleasure to read.....this post had a power to transport right from the first word......plus a novel fragrant in language.....However,maybe my lack of imagination kept me away from understanding couple of things here and there.
i love it man ...too much i say !!! .....
wat airlines was dat ...sue them i say !!!!
wow! nice one Mihir, i liked this line a lot - "I dissolve my tears in the vapours of coffee that separate a reality from another." and even the last line!
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